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2 Posts
Hey Everyone,
This may not be the best place to post this (moderators feel free to jump in, delete, etc), but I've found myself in an awkward family situation have literally no-one to talk with about it. I don't have anyone to talk to at work, and can't bring it up with my parents or siblings, and don't have a therapist or spiritual mentor either. I've been a part of the forum before and have always been impressed by the quality of people here, so I thought I might explain my situation and see what sort of advice I can glean. Maybe some of you have found yourselves in a similar situation. I've tried to keep this family friendly, and apologize for bringing up such a serious topic in such a happy place.
My younger brother got married last year. We didn't know his fiance too well, but she seemed nice. As we got to know her better there were certain aspects of her personality that made her less attractive to us (my wife and myself). She was very sweet and smiled often, but rarely had anything positive to say. She never spoke highly of her friends or her parents, but she always managed to complain about them while being nice. "Yeah, my mom's... a little erratic sometimes (sad smile)". "My best friend can be a little selfish, but she doesn't mean too". It took about a year of this to really notice, because she managed to always come across as sympathetic and the wronged party as opposed to being judgemental or vindictive.
It wasn't until my wife attended her bachelorette party that some more of the ugliness began to come out. Since then we've learned quite a lot more about her, oftentimes from former friends of my sister-in-law whom my wife has now befriended (she works at a gym and gets to chat with the girls who attend).
Turns out my sister-in-law talks trash about everyone when they're not around. She's managed to complain about my sister's intelligence, said the only way to communicate with my mom is to "act like you're talking to a retard", and has apparently complained about my wife being a "b****" and being fat. No telling what she's also said about me.
She has a habit of flirting with other men when my brother is out of town working, going out and dancing with random dudes. She's had a mutual friend of theirs stay over multiple times while my brother is out of state (although nothing sexual happened they were apparently in bed together), and has pushed hard for two separate couples to get divorced when they are trying to navigate rocky situations. Basically, she's chaotic and manipulative and gossips about people. Non stop.
My brother is apparently aware of all this, although I'm sure most of his information is coming from his wife. The man I knew a couple years back would never have been okay with this type of behavior, but he seems to be quietly taking it all in stride. I've never been super close with him, although I love him to death, and I come from a family where we tend to keep our own council. You handle your business and deal with things yourself.
All of these reports have been second hand accounts (people we know have heard her say these things), but there are enough reports from different sources that I find them to be pretty credible. I try not to think the worst of people, but it seems like my brother might have hitched his wagon to a pretty awful woman. I'm hoping he's not blind to this, but they've been together for 3+ years at this point so...
Here's my dilemma, and where I need advice:
I know my sister-in-law seems to dislike us. I could care less what people say about me, but hearing the things she has said about my wife makes my blood boil. I'm not sure I can put on a friendly face when I see them next time. Fortunately they live out of state so it shouldn't be an issue right now, but how can I navigate wanting to have a relationship with my brother when his wife is so repugnant? I want to distance myself from her, but at the same time feel the need to be closer than ever to him so he can have someone to talk to about marriage. He has no close friends now, having just moved, and I'm afraid that if I withdraw from him she'll just end up poisoning him against the whole family. Has anyone else gone through this? I can't be the only one with **** in-laws.
I don't want to darken the forum with such negative situations, so if you have advice just PM me with your thoughts. To make it SS relevant, these familial issues are wreaking havoc on my shooting and stealing my joy. I don't even smile when I blast a spinner anymore.
This may not be the best place to post this (moderators feel free to jump in, delete, etc), but I've found myself in an awkward family situation have literally no-one to talk with about it. I don't have anyone to talk to at work, and can't bring it up with my parents or siblings, and don't have a therapist or spiritual mentor either. I've been a part of the forum before and have always been impressed by the quality of people here, so I thought I might explain my situation and see what sort of advice I can glean. Maybe some of you have found yourselves in a similar situation. I've tried to keep this family friendly, and apologize for bringing up such a serious topic in such a happy place.
My younger brother got married last year. We didn't know his fiance too well, but she seemed nice. As we got to know her better there were certain aspects of her personality that made her less attractive to us (my wife and myself). She was very sweet and smiled often, but rarely had anything positive to say. She never spoke highly of her friends or her parents, but she always managed to complain about them while being nice. "Yeah, my mom's... a little erratic sometimes (sad smile)". "My best friend can be a little selfish, but she doesn't mean too". It took about a year of this to really notice, because she managed to always come across as sympathetic and the wronged party as opposed to being judgemental or vindictive.
It wasn't until my wife attended her bachelorette party that some more of the ugliness began to come out. Since then we've learned quite a lot more about her, oftentimes from former friends of my sister-in-law whom my wife has now befriended (she works at a gym and gets to chat with the girls who attend).
Turns out my sister-in-law talks trash about everyone when they're not around. She's managed to complain about my sister's intelligence, said the only way to communicate with my mom is to "act like you're talking to a retard", and has apparently complained about my wife being a "b****" and being fat. No telling what she's also said about me.
She has a habit of flirting with other men when my brother is out of town working, going out and dancing with random dudes. She's had a mutual friend of theirs stay over multiple times while my brother is out of state (although nothing sexual happened they were apparently in bed together), and has pushed hard for two separate couples to get divorced when they are trying to navigate rocky situations. Basically, she's chaotic and manipulative and gossips about people. Non stop.
My brother is apparently aware of all this, although I'm sure most of his information is coming from his wife. The man I knew a couple years back would never have been okay with this type of behavior, but he seems to be quietly taking it all in stride. I've never been super close with him, although I love him to death, and I come from a family where we tend to keep our own council. You handle your business and deal with things yourself.
All of these reports have been second hand accounts (people we know have heard her say these things), but there are enough reports from different sources that I find them to be pretty credible. I try not to think the worst of people, but it seems like my brother might have hitched his wagon to a pretty awful woman. I'm hoping he's not blind to this, but they've been together for 3+ years at this point so...
Here's my dilemma, and where I need advice:
I know my sister-in-law seems to dislike us. I could care less what people say about me, but hearing the things she has said about my wife makes my blood boil. I'm not sure I can put on a friendly face when I see them next time. Fortunately they live out of state so it shouldn't be an issue right now, but how can I navigate wanting to have a relationship with my brother when his wife is so repugnant? I want to distance myself from her, but at the same time feel the need to be closer than ever to him so he can have someone to talk to about marriage. He has no close friends now, having just moved, and I'm afraid that if I withdraw from him she'll just end up poisoning him against the whole family. Has anyone else gone through this? I can't be the only one with **** in-laws.
I don't want to darken the forum with such negative situations, so if you have advice just PM me with your thoughts. To make it SS relevant, these familial issues are wreaking havoc on my shooting and stealing my joy. I don't even smile when I blast a spinner anymore.
