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I will subject myself to ... being slammed by Joerg to get one of his slingshots. Just think of all the bragging I could do...
Sarge, I can see only bad things coming out of this proposed competition!

I strongly encourage you to forego the arm and leg confrontations and proceed directly to begging!

As a physical degenerate, it's what I would do. (And the local paramedics will respect you, too -- for sparing them the inconvenience of having to revive you at the inevitable emergency response!)

...Oh, and keep this quote from Falstaff handy: "The better part of valor is discretion, in the which better part I have sav'd my life." (I use this one all the time to eloquently redeem myself after chickening out!)
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