I'm frequently asked about the origin of the Slingshooting Scale of Progression displayed in my signature. It is my evolving construct, developed as way to measure my personal progress through this simple yet perplexing hobby. The current edition describes eight distinct levels of proficiency :
Clueless--Tard--Doofus--Shooter--(Spazmo)*--Marksman--Master--Monk
*-a floating, or "at large" phase, often temporary, which can strike Shooters or better at any time.
Clueless
The Clueless subject is more likely to use a slingshot for something other than slingshooting, such as backscratcher, foot massager, oil filter wrench, paper weight, doorstop, bookend, or cooking utensil. When you see these indicators, you can safely assume you're among the Clueless.
Tard
The Tard is obnoxiously interested. It's a new, fresh interest, prone to conceptualizing with limited information and fragmented data. Tards love shortcuts and extremes. Their motto, "If this much is good, then this much must be awesome," has been responsible for countless disfigurements through the ages. Tard can be dangerous to themselves and to more advanced shooters as it is possible to become drunk on their enthusiasm, leading to overbanding, pouch abuse, and complete disregard for eye protection. Slingshooting needs legions of Tard to continue to grow.
Doofus
The Doofus has the complete picture and knows what's what, they're just ham-handed in their execution. They travel in pods and occasionally ask transcendent questions. They've most likely assembled a rudimentary band jig and can cut serviceable band sets. They can be touchy about their rotary cutters, and absolutely blow a gasket when they find out you've used it on a pizza. They may have a few hand- wrought nattys in their resume. Can't shoot for shat. Subject to wild swings in accuracy, and unfortunately, interest... Many are lost to the activity during the Doofus phase due to impatience; improvement seldom comes fast enough for the Doofus.
Shooter
A shooter can hit a standard 46 ounce tomato juice can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet. They're competent enough to help guide Tard and Doofus through their travails, but should wait until they attain the level of Marksman before approaching the Clueless. Shooters are searchers. They're looking for that edge, that wisdom nugget, that ethereal key which will allow them to progress. Driven, unpredictable, and moody, Shooters should avoid Tequila and little yappy dogs.
Spazmo
The Spazmo is a recently recognized stage. In it, a subject who has reached the level of Shooter or better suddenly begins to shoot like a late stage Tard or an early stage Doofus. There is no quick fix, distinguishing it from a simple hiccup in form. Initially, the Spazmo is bewildered. Exasperation grows with each pathetic shooting session until an ultimatum presents. At this point the Spazmo will yield to one of two things: defeat or attenuation. Spazmos opting to attenuate will have demonstrated the character necessary to join the "M" level ranks.
Marksman
The Marksman can hit a standard 12 ounce pop can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet. They love to cut cans. The mechanical side of slingshooting begins to wane. Countless hours of practice have honed a draw capable of tapping the universal dynamic. Their release is nuanced. Confidence is high.
Master
The Master can hit the top of a pop can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet, routinely. This is a minimum, as many can go much smaller. Match heads, playing card edges, strings, unlucky insects- all fall prey to the expert stroke of the Master. They can hit their mark with any of varying forks, ammos, or band/tube orientations. Some say oneness with latex isn't something learned, but something bestowed... In either case, achieving zenophasic polarity with an elastomer should be revered- it is the pinnacle of our hobby.
Monk
The Monk dedicates his life to the slingshot. Enough said... :screwy:
Clueless--Tard--Doofus--Shooter--(Spazmo)*--Marksman--Master--Monk
*-a floating, or "at large" phase, often temporary, which can strike Shooters or better at any time.
Clueless
The Clueless subject is more likely to use a slingshot for something other than slingshooting, such as backscratcher, foot massager, oil filter wrench, paper weight, doorstop, bookend, or cooking utensil. When you see these indicators, you can safely assume you're among the Clueless.
Tard
The Tard is obnoxiously interested. It's a new, fresh interest, prone to conceptualizing with limited information and fragmented data. Tards love shortcuts and extremes. Their motto, "If this much is good, then this much must be awesome," has been responsible for countless disfigurements through the ages. Tard can be dangerous to themselves and to more advanced shooters as it is possible to become drunk on their enthusiasm, leading to overbanding, pouch abuse, and complete disregard for eye protection. Slingshooting needs legions of Tard to continue to grow.
Doofus
The Doofus has the complete picture and knows what's what, they're just ham-handed in their execution. They travel in pods and occasionally ask transcendent questions. They've most likely assembled a rudimentary band jig and can cut serviceable band sets. They can be touchy about their rotary cutters, and absolutely blow a gasket when they find out you've used it on a pizza. They may have a few hand- wrought nattys in their resume. Can't shoot for shat. Subject to wild swings in accuracy, and unfortunately, interest... Many are lost to the activity during the Doofus phase due to impatience; improvement seldom comes fast enough for the Doofus.
Shooter
A shooter can hit a standard 46 ounce tomato juice can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet. They're competent enough to help guide Tard and Doofus through their travails, but should wait until they attain the level of Marksman before approaching the Clueless. Shooters are searchers. They're looking for that edge, that wisdom nugget, that ethereal key which will allow them to progress. Driven, unpredictable, and moody, Shooters should avoid Tequila and little yappy dogs.
Spazmo
The Spazmo is a recently recognized stage. In it, a subject who has reached the level of Shooter or better suddenly begins to shoot like a late stage Tard or an early stage Doofus. There is no quick fix, distinguishing it from a simple hiccup in form. Initially, the Spazmo is bewildered. Exasperation grows with each pathetic shooting session until an ultimatum presents. At this point the Spazmo will yield to one of two things: defeat or attenuation. Spazmos opting to attenuate will have demonstrated the character necessary to join the "M" level ranks.
Marksman
The Marksman can hit a standard 12 ounce pop can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet. They love to cut cans. The mechanical side of slingshooting begins to wane. Countless hours of practice have honed a draw capable of tapping the universal dynamic. Their release is nuanced. Confidence is high.
Master
The Master can hit the top of a pop can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet, routinely. This is a minimum, as many can go much smaller. Match heads, playing card edges, strings, unlucky insects- all fall prey to the expert stroke of the Master. They can hit their mark with any of varying forks, ammos, or band/tube orientations. Some say oneness with latex isn't something learned, but something bestowed... In either case, achieving zenophasic polarity with an elastomer should be revered- it is the pinnacle of our hobby.
Monk
The Monk dedicates his life to the slingshot. Enough said... :screwy:
