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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm frequently asked about the origin of the Slingshooting Scale of Progression displayed in my signature. It is my evolving construct, developed as way to measure my personal progress through this simple yet perplexing hobby. The current edition describes eight distinct levels of proficiency :

Clueless--Tard--Doofus--Shooter--(Spazmo)*--Marksman--Master--Monk

*-a floating, or "at large" phase, often temporary, which can strike Shooters or better at any time.

Clueless

The Clueless subject is more likely to use a slingshot for something other than slingshooting, such as backscratcher, foot massager, oil filter wrench, paper weight, doorstop, bookend, or cooking utensil. When you see these indicators, you can safely assume you're among the Clueless.

Tard

The Tard is obnoxiously interested. It's a new, fresh interest, prone to conceptualizing with limited information and fragmented data. Tards love shortcuts and extremes. Their motto, "If this much is good, then this much must be awesome," has been responsible for countless disfigurements through the ages. Tard can be dangerous to themselves and to more advanced shooters as it is possible to become drunk on their enthusiasm, leading to overbanding, pouch abuse, and complete disregard for eye protection. Slingshooting needs legions of Tard to continue to grow.

Doofus

The Doofus has the complete picture and knows what's what, they're just ham-handed in their execution. They travel in pods and occasionally ask transcendent questions. They've most likely assembled a rudimentary band jig and can cut serviceable band sets. They can be touchy about their rotary cutters, and absolutely blow a gasket when they find out you've used it on a pizza. They may have a few hand- wrought nattys in their resume. Can't shoot for shat. Subject to wild swings in accuracy, and unfortunately, interest... Many are lost to the activity during the Doofus phase due to impatience; improvement seldom comes fast enough for the Doofus.

Shooter

A shooter can hit a standard 46 ounce tomato juice can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet. They're competent enough to help guide Tard and Doofus through their travails, but should wait until they attain the level of Marksman before approaching the Clueless. Shooters are searchers. They're looking for that edge, that wisdom nugget, that ethereal key which will allow them to progress. Driven, unpredictable, and moody, Shooters should avoid Tequila and little yappy dogs.

Spazmo

The Spazmo is a recently recognized stage. In it, a subject who has reached the level of Shooter or better suddenly begins to shoot like a late stage Tard or an early stage Doofus. There is no quick fix, distinguishing it from a simple hiccup in form. Initially, the Spazmo is bewildered. Exasperation grows with each pathetic shooting session until an ultimatum presents. At this point the Spazmo will yield to one of two things: defeat or attenuation. Spazmos opting to attenuate will have demonstrated the character necessary to join the "M" level ranks.

Marksman

The Marksman can hit a standard 12 ounce pop can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet. They love to cut cans. The mechanical side of slingshooting begins to wane. Countless hours of practice have honed a draw capable of tapping the universal dynamic. Their release is nuanced. Confidence is high.

Master

The Master can hit the top of a pop can 9 out of 10 times from 33 feet, routinely. This is a minimum, as many can go much smaller. Match heads, playing card edges, strings, unlucky insects- all fall prey to the expert stroke of the Master. They can hit their mark with any of varying forks, ammos, or band/tube orientations. Some say oneness with latex isn't something learned, but something bestowed... In either case, achieving zenophasic polarity with an elastomer should be revered- it is the pinnacle of our hobby.

Monk

The Monk dedicates his life to the slingshot. Enough said... :screwy:
 

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Although I have been known to scratch an itch with a frame I'm holding, I'm happy to declare I am not "Clueless" any more.

Great list and looks like there is a category for everyone, whether they want to be it or not.

I'm guessing I have recently progressed to 'Shooter'. I don't drink and our dog doesn't bark, so it's a fitting category. I'm also hoping to leapfrog 'Spazmo' and avoid that one.
 

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Brilliant analysis C-Dawg. I would suggest a behavioral sub category - the 'incessant noobie spammer' positioned near the left end of the scale. Apparently it's a locust-like phenomenon, which often glazes the eyes of fuddy-duddy pilgrims like myself. :spam:
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Brilliant analysis C-Dawg. I would suggest a behavioral sub category - the 'incessant noobie spammer' positioned near the left end of the scale. Apparently it's a locust-like phenomenon, which often glazes the eyes of fuddy-duddy pilgrims like myself. :spam:
Thanks Nipps. What you describe is a Tard gone awry. It stems from the notion that every idea they bring to the hobby is revolutionary. When fellow enthusiasts fail to recognize the genius, the Tard is dismayed. They're not yet jaded enough to know there's nothing new under the sun... Our efforts should attempt to right the wayward Tard- 3 times. Then we knock the dust from our loafers and move on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
-The point being Khan, despite magnificent hair, an Olympian physique, and a room-filling presence, was a Tard.

The combined efforts of a galaxy-class starship captain and an emotionless hybrid couldn't even begin to empower the man's Doofus.

This type of individual will make a mission of harshing your retraction bliss. Bliss harshers are old-hat, we've outgrown them, and they shall be dismissed.
 
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